Sunday, May 2, 2010

The Bed That Satan Made



A few months ago, I was drooling over this bed and was willing to sell my soul for something like it:



barbafterbed



Sell my soul I did.

I happened upon a listing of an identical bed posted on Craigslist. The bed had matching lines and curves of the black vision seen above. I was giddy with the possibility of owning a similar piece. I debated the purchase for about 4.3 seconds and by the time second 5.5 rolled around, I was driving to pick it up. Satan was living in Litchfield at the time; the mileage was not a deterrent. I would have driven to Quebec at that point. Upon viewing the bed up close, I was heartbroken. The head board and foot board were two different colors of varnish (who uses varnish anymore?) and applied thicker than necessary, which had resulted in many clumpy, drippy areas. Undeterred, I set aside my disappointment and loaded the bed in my truck; I had already driven a bazillion miles and would not leave empty handed.

The bed sat in my garage for a few months. Asher was still sleeping in his crib, so I wasn't in any hurry to set it up. I was debating painting the piece or leaving it in it's current state: drippy brown goo.



Goo Bed




More Goo



I had no qualms about painting it. I've painted plenty of furniture, and this would be a breeze. But Satan doesn't do breezes. They're more like tornadoes.

I choose to paint the bed white. I wanted a color that I wouldn't have to repaint in the future. I love the sleekness of the black bed, but Asher's room is loosely based on a vintage alphabet theme. Black seemed a bit severe for that.

I rarely prime or sand any furniture before I paint it. This bed would be no different. I purchased a quart of satin white paint and got to work. I started on a spindle, but it proved to be a challenge as it was very awkward to paint. It took about an hour to paint one spindle, and I noted that the bed would probably need 3-4 coats. After waiting a few hours for the paint to dry, I began to apply the second coat, and as I brushed it on, I noticed my brush was tearing off my first coat of paint. The first coat wasn't adhering to the wood. I threw a mini tantrum, wiped off all the paint with a damp rag, and decided to prime.

After priming the entire head board, I started painting only the flat parts. I painted and painted and painted, and after I painted on about the 5th coat, the bed still looked like crap. I did a little research online and decided to shell out a few more dollars for a quart of Dunn Edwards paint. The clerk at the store promised me that the bed would look great after two coats. 3 more coats later, I threw my brush towards the heavens and stomped off to sulk and reassess the crap fest that was this bed. It sat unfinished in my dining room for a good two weeks. Each time I passed it, my hatred for it grew. But by this time, I had already invested too much time and money to give up.

I eventually decided to strip the bed of both it's paint and varnish layers, and hopefully discover that the natural wood would look decent enough on it's own. I applied stripper to a flat part of the wood. After it started to bubble, I gently started to scrape off the paint. I got a few good strokes in and was able to take off a lot of paint, but I knew I wouldn't have the patience to apply stripper, scrape, and repeat, which is what it needed. I found a guy that strips furniture professionally. I warned him of the disaster he would be seeing. As I pulled it out of the truck, he laughed. And laughed. And laughed. He apologized and explained that he had never seen so many different botched attempts on one piece of furniture. After a few days, I got a call from the laugher. Something went wrong while trying to strip the bed. The molding on top of the foot board was primarily made of plastic, and while it was soaking in the stripper tank, it melted off.



DSC06545



And as if that wasn't enough, the bed seemed to be made of two different types of wood, meaning the color of the head board and foot board didn't match. I think I consumed about a shaker full of salt that day.



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Clint took some type of saw (who can keep track of all the names) and lopped off the top of the footboard. After some sanding, it almost (and I use that term loosely) looked passable. As far as the two different colored boards were concerned, it seemed the only coarse of action would be to paint the wood. It would be much easier now that I was starting with bare wood. I settled on painting the bed the same green that I painted Asher's nightstand. Fearing the time I would spend painting the spindles, I wised up and borrowed a paint sprayer. I purchased a quart of paint with the primer already mixed in, set up my spraying area in the backyard, and loaded up the hopper. As I was standing over the bed with my finger on the trigger, I couldn't find the nerve to start. It seemed like such a waste to paint beautiful wood. The pieces I've painted in the past all started out looking like they'd been marinated in cow manure. So, I chickened out and cleaned up my mess. While drowning my sorrows in a tub of T.J.'s pico and everything bagel chips, I devised a new plan. I would use the head board for now and store the foot board away until I was ready to paint the entire bed when Asher was older and in need of new decor. This plan required me to purchase a bed frame, and Clint figured out a way to secure the headboard to the wall. After setting it up and seeing the end result, I hated it. I hated that the end of the bed was visible while a beautiful foot board was sitting in the garage. It just looked so bare. I'm sure anyone else viewing it wouldn't think so, but I knew it's potential. I devised a new plan of attack: since the foot board had a red tone, I would stain the lighter-colored headboard mahogany, and would only apply a coat of poly to the foot board. After MANY MANY hours of sanding, I was pleased with my initial testing of stain:



DSC06611



We're nearing the home stretch people. After the bed was good and dry, we set it up in Asher's room. The bed comes with two rails that hook into each board. Clint layed the box spring on the railings. Turns out the minions in Satan's wood working shop thought it would be humorous to space the railings apart two inches wider than a normal bed frame. When we placed the box spring on the rails, it just fell onto the ground. I hated the bed. I wanted to chop off one of my arms just so I had something to throw at it. Clint went back to Lowes and purchased a piece of plywood the length and width of the bed, which the box spring now rests on.



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And, here is Asher's bed today -



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I'm pleased beyond belief with how it turned out, but with a bit more searching, I could have found something similar that wouldn't have required as much effort and money. It's my most expensive second-hand piece of furniture yet. Here's the rundown -

Bed - $40
Quart of white satin paint - $15ish
Quart of Dunn Edwards paint - $20ish
Professional stripping - $80
Quart of green paint - $15ish
Twin bed frame - $30ish
Stain - $5
Plywood - $20ish

Lesson learned.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

If furniture could talk...



...I think these chairs would scream.




birthing chairs

Monday, April 19, 2010

poor pitiful Emma on her stationary horse


A few years ago, Clint and I took Emma to DisneyWorld. It is hands down the happiest place on earth. I become intensely jealous when someone mentions their upcoming vacation to D-Dub. We were only able to spend 3 days total visiting the parks, which was insanely difficult given there are a total of 4 parks, and each one is about the size of Wichita.

Pics 017

Before leaving, I researched each park like crazy and created spreadsheets designed to help maximize our visit, listing each ride by height restriction, average wait time, proximity, etc.


Pics 003

If we were only able to spend 3 days at 4 parks, I felt I needed to organize and create some sort of schedule to help me capitalize on our lack of time.


Pics 101

However, as I was looking through pictures of our vacation, it appears that I spent a large percentage of my time at the happiest place on earth planning how I was going to squeeze out every last ounce of enjoyment I could have whilst visiting the happiest place on earth.

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Are you seeing the pattern? For most of our vacation, I was obsessively checking and cross referencing all of my printed out spreadsheets and maps, and I failed to look up for pictures, parades, singing wooden puppets, etc.

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The irony isn't lost on me. By the middle of the second day, I realized my folly, and I found that I could enjoy myself while walking without purpose and living in indecision.

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I did, however, meet one goal I set for myself before our trip: I ate in EVERY country at Epcot.






Sunday, February 28, 2010

Nuggets for you


In case you want to know how to jimmy rig your icing syringe if you've misplaced the piece that affixes the tip to the tube -



Nozzle

Strapping tape: good for sending packages and pastry decorating.




In case you're on the fence as what to cook for dessert at a dinner party -


Rancid Cupcakes


Rancid Blackberry Cupcakes: Who knew flour went bad? And I mean it went Ted Bundy bad.





On another note, why must everything I cook for potlucks be some new-fangled recipe and prefaced with "now, this is the first time that I've made this, so I'm not sure how it tastes..."? Why can't I bring a 9x13 glass casserole dish filled with enchiladas made with 7 cans of cream of chicken soup, and feel content with my contribution? Beware you potluck inviters: I will no longer be bringing any dishes that require ingredients that can't be purchased at ghetto Fry's. And Sunflower. And Trader Joe's. And Whole Foods because they have exotic salt. 

Sunday, February 14, 2010

When you fail to plan



My contribution: about 4 hours of a Thursday night.



bug





Emma's contribution:





Sig

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

From Fugly to Fab

I think all those blogging "Teach Me Tuesdays" and "Thankful Thursdays" etc. are a bit cheesy. I'm dubbing today the "I ate too many pita chips, nothing good on tv, stupid knee won't bend, cupcake is yelling at me to eat it, already ate a cupcake today, don't need to eat another cupcake, cupcake starts crying, don't want to give cupcake self-esteem complex, eat cupcake, eat salty pita chip to balance out taste-buds, eat more pita chips because you forgot how yummy pita chips are, decide to blog, got nothing to say, post a picture of some version of progress being made in your life albeit this particular progress took place 6 months ago but you don't think anyone would agree that 'eating the last cupcake so you can wash the tupperware it was housed in', or 'eating all the pita chips so you can trash the bag to clear up space in your pantry for more pita chips' could be called progress Wednesday".

How about "Lose you readers Wednesday"?

This chair is part of a set that I found at Qcumberz. I slapped on some oil-based paint and stapled fabric over the existing mess of tacky burlap. It's previous owner was a bit heavy-handed with the sandpaper.
They're as uncomfortable to sit in as they look.



Before:


fugleJPG


After:


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Stay tuned for "Thankful for stretchy underwear Thursday".

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

I had to sit this one out. Blasted tumor!



There is fun to be had, but you must hurry. Arizona snow is fleeting.


Asher and Clint




Family




Deon and Clint




Asher