Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Landscaping Woes

For obvious reasons, Clint's favorite subject is landscaping. My favorite subject is me. So, when we actually sit down to discuss landscaping, it goes something like this -

"Jaylee, what features should we design into our backyard?" Clint asks.
"I have a girls night out tomorrow night. You're babysitting," I respond.
"Jaylee, landscaping is about combining beauty with function. I need to know what's important to us so that I can incorporate it into my plans," Clint says.
"Will you put lotion on my feet?" I respond.
"Jaylee, focus. We have a large backyard and a great opportunity to incorporate many different elements. Please tell me what you consider important to you," a frustrated Clint replies.

Bingo. Now it's about what I want.

"Here," I say as I grab a nearby note card, "this is what I want."


I'm a simple girl.

As the weeks went by, progress was made in our yard. The sprinklers were installed, a new sewer line was laid, and it soon came time to build my dream garden, which was, according to my specifications above, to be located in the back right hand corner, and of a squareish shape. Some how, Clint translated my squarish shaped garden into this -


The first time I walked out there and saw the monstrosity of this area, I freaked out.
"That's not what I designed! I designed a garden of squarish shape in the back right hand corner! What the freak is this! I can't garden in this! It's way too big! All I really want are a few tomatoes and maybe a cucumber or carrot! I can't garden in this!" I yell, as the exclamation marks so clearly state. I was feeling a bit of anxiety over the gigantic proportions of my new garden area, overwhelmed that I was now expected to 'farm' in this plot of land. I don't even own a garden trowel, let alone a tractor that was now needed to plant my crops. I want to experiment to see if gardening is something I'm interested in. Now I have to go to ASU and major in agriculture. Seriously, what if I hate gardening? What if the picture in my head of me in my gardening chaps, lovingling picking out weeds and singing to my lettuce while Asher plays next to me on the grass with his watering can is un-realistic? Will it be more like me in my stained jeans, yanking out weeds with my blistered hands, swearing at my lettuce because I spent so long planting it and it hasn't sprouted yet, while Asher is climbing in the garden area, grinding my onion seedlings back into the dirt, all the while in 110 degree weather?

"But I showed you the plans," Clint says.

Here are the plans Clint showed me-

Clint's landscape

Now, I don't know about you, but I don't think in circles. I think in pretty, penciled in pictures, with arrows pointing to what's what. When he showed this to me, I got crossed eyed and mumbled something about it being fine. So, that was my stamp of approval, the garden was built, and now my new career will be selling produce on the corner. Please honk your horn and wave as you pass by.

(Does anyone see my swing set designed into the above picture? Where's my errant tree?)


JRV said...

I see no swingset!
Steve does the same type of things to me.
Like setting up an elaborate list making program which links to every electronic device that we have and really all I want to do is wright it on a sticky note and stick it to his bag. Why does everything have to be so complicated with them?

April said...

Oh my gosh, this is like every conversation I have with Ryan. Do you know that he made actual plans for our greenhouse using his hijacked enginerring program from work? They're insane. And nothing is ever as pretty as I imagine it to be. Oh well. Whatcha' gonna' do, 'cept party with your girls in one more day!

Heather said...

jaylee- i laughed out loud at your little picture of what you wanted in the back yard- that is too good! Loving the errant tree too!!

Hmmm...plant some weeds in your garden. i'm told they grow really well and require very little maintenance. :)

Amanda said...

I think it is awesome. The more complex, the better.

Bridget said...

I laughed the whole time I read this. and by the way I didn't see a swing set or a lone tree

H said...

I'm really good at growing grass in my garden if you want tips.

Bill says you should write a book 'cuz you're stinking hilarious.

I'm confused as to why some of the circles go off the page of what must be the walls of your backyard.

Crystal said...

You could always rent out your garden plot to me since I have no sunny areas to garden in. Jared says if it were up to me I would remove our tree in the back yard that gives us tons of shade (what good is shade without food?) and rip out all of the grass so our yard could be one big garden. You'll be living in the garden of Eden by the looks of it. It will be fun to come over and see it when it is done.

Diana said...

I feel your pain...our first attempt at a "small garden" ended up being our entire side yard. It was going okay until I constantly forgot to water it and we were infested with gophers. (Do NOT let gophers eat your carrots because you think it's cute and your kids like it--it just ends badly).

Emily said...

I very much remember you! Steve would love to have Clint email him. His address is octobersmith at hotmail dot com. Glad you found me!

Leah said...

hahaha...everyone is saying poor Jaylee!! Perhaps Clint should have gone to your grandparents house to see what a real "square" garden thingy looks like. Clint going to put a water feature in your garden as well...I think he has grand ideas..if you are living in a country manor house in England that is :)

Nancy said...

This is totally funny. I can see both sides and it is just too cute. I was laughing the entire time I was reading your blog. Matthew is used to me asking him a million questions if I don't understand so he would rather just give it to me on my terms than go through a very long drawn out process. You would think Clint would too.