Wednesday, November 5, 2008

There once was a man from Nantucket....

We have a mouse in our house (sounds like the start of a children's poem).

It's a teeny tiny little mouse,
Who probably has a little spouse.
This teeny mouse is a louse,
For it's eating up my drywall.

This teeny mouse is very smart,
It deserves a name; how about Bart?
"Bart!" I yell, and as quick as a dart,
Bart scampers back into my drywall.

Now, I'm assuming Bart, you have large brood,
You're probably out scavenging for food.
You better be careful because I'm not in the mood,
To see and hear you chewing up my drywall.

Hey little Bart, you're in for a treat!
Peanut Butter! Oh my! It can't be beat!
Now hurry up your little feet!
And please ignore the apparatus underneath the peanut butter, next to the drywall.

I tried to warn you; I tried to be humane,
But Bart, your droppings are such a pain!
I clean them up, but it's all in vain,
Because you just keep pooping next to my drywall!

Bart, I'm sorry, the time has come,
You must die die die and something else that rhymes with come!
And then another great sentence that rhymes with come,
Geez Bart! Come on! What do you expect? You're living in my drywall!

You're gross! You're yucky! You probably have rabies!
Okay, maybe not rabies, but maybe...... scabies?
And you're popping out a horde of little pinkie babies,
and I can't have you and your filthy family living in my drywall!

So Bart, please eat the food; it will all be over soon,
And while you're dying, I'll sing you a tune.
As we sit together underneath the moon,
I'll serenade you this sweet song:

Die mouse, die die die!
Poor little mouse, where's PETA to save you now?
You think you can come into my house and set up shop?
Time to meet your maker!
I hope you burn!

Did you like that song, Bart? Hey, I think I see a light!
Go to it Bart! Give up the fight!
Oh, it's pretty Bart! So nice and bright!
What a tender moment we're sharing next to my drywall.

I promise Bart, I'll take care of your litter,
Stop yelling at me Bart! Now's not the time to be bitter!
Oh Bart! You're not breathing!

psst, hey Clint, can you fix this drywall so none of Bart's rat babies can get out?


Heather said...

cheese jaylee, that is the trick. a smart mouse like bart will lick the peanut butter off the trap. i found that cheese crammed into the little area is the best way for the mouse to visit mousy heaven.

if not, you can always dress him in little clothes and call him Gus.

H said...

I can almost picture you sitting next to the wall shouting your little tune at Bart. That was a good chuckle :)

Monica said...

Wow, Jaylee. That was um..... enlightening.

Pam said...

David once tried using a b-b gun to shoot the little bugger! Nope it did not work. So the stickie trap did the work. You should publish your poem Jaylee you have a talent.

Christensens said...

Jaylee you are soo stinking funny! I love your posts!

FizixMamma said...

The poem is histerical, the mouse not so much. I have a mouse post on my blog if you're interested.