Sunday, January 24, 2010

Get started - this took about 8 weeks of preperation

I received a few compliments on my hair this morning while I was at church. I thought I would follow up by giving a tutorial.


I'm no professional on self portraits. I didn't even think it through enough to pull the shower curtain closed.


Step 1 - Grow a tumor in your knee, stand up, see a doctor, and get surgery.

Step 2 - Decide the days of caring about your appearance are officially over until your walking abilities aren't hampered.

Step 3 - Obtain a husband who travels quite a bit.

Step 4 - Wash your hair two days before you plan to wear this hairstyle. Don't blowdry or straighten it. Let its natural frizz do its thing.

Step 5 - Host a friend's birthday get together that same night. Yap for 8 hours straight and finally kick the last 3 remaining women out of your house at 3:00am.

Step 6 - Wake up after little sleep and decide you have no energy or time to take care of the frizz nest sitting atop your head. Put a hat on and wear it all day long, no matter how itchy it starts to get.

Step 7 - Stay up late that night and watch Tess of the Dubervilles, which will take you forever to get through because you have to continuously rewind the DVD since you can't quite understand what they're saying through their heavy English accents (no subtitles were available).

Step 8 - Wake up late the next morning and realize you have no time to wash, blow dry, or straighten your hat-matted, frizz-nested hair.

Step 9 - Bunch your hair up into a funked up bun, bobby pin it in place, and stare in amazement at the ladies who said they liked your hair.

Emma asked me why I was taking pictures of my gray hair. I sat her down for an impromptu lesson on how genetics work. She'll curse my name when she's about 30.

What my garden would sing were it British

The Tomatoes are Dead!


Long Live the Broccoli!



Unfortunately, instead of meeting my long lost twin, I was introduced to a large celled tumor of the tendon sheath. My healing has been slow going. I'm pain free at this point, but I still can't bend my knee and frequently walk with a cane. A family member had a walker on hand and brought it over for me to use. Pre-surgery, I vehemently swore I would never have a need for it. Post-surgery, I sheepishly swallowed my pride and have used it quite a bit in the privacy of my home. This experience has been both physically and emotionally draining. Currently, my knee is calling the shots and it's very humbling. I've tried to retain some semblance of a normal life. Recently, the chickens were out of water, and rather than calling my neighbor over to take care of it, I took care of it myself. What should have taken 3 minutes for any able bodied individual took me 20. It was a ridiculous sight to say the least. I've been able to help a few of my friends fill their spiritual cups with the service they've provided to me. Dinners, books, flowers, movies, visits, phone calls, etc were a constant presence in my house for the two weeks following my surgery. My dearest friends were able to feast upon the sight of Jaylee sans makeup. It's a very rare sight, akin to the rumored to exist Ivory-Billed Woodpecker. Thankfully, emotions and physical abilities seem to be moving towards the positive. I start physical therapy tomorrow. I was hopeful I could skip out on that aspect of most knee recoveries, but it seems I am not able to control that either. I asked my doctor to promise me that my knee would eventually recover. He promised, and apparently I need someone to yell at me, call me a baby, and force me to bend my knee for him to make good on his promise.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Wish me luck...

It has been confirmed that an orthopedic surgeon will be slicing my epidermis open sometime around 11am this Thursday. It will start out arthroscopicly, and most likely end with a nice big scar sized to the dimensions of the object he is removing from my leg. I googled my doctor in hopes of finding rave reviews, but found nothing out of the ordinary, except that he donated $1000 to the McCain campaign. It's up to you whether that's a deal breaker or not. Here's hoping that the mystery object he'll be removing from my synovium is a roll of $20s or the long lost twin I absorbed while in utero, complete with hair and teeth.

Thank you to all those that have brought me meals, have told me they will bring me meals, have visited me, have taken the newly minted sunbeam off my hands, have given me movies to watch, have shipped me books from out of state, etc. It's very hard for me to accept help, and even harder to ask for it.

Does anybody have a better explanation I can give to those who ask what triggered my knee difficulties? It currently stands at "I was sitting on the ground at my friends house while watching a pirated version of New Moon, and I stood up". I'd prefer a version that makes me sound heroic rather than moronic.